Hi Pink. You recent troubles with your S20 are very hard to read I am not a vet so please take what I say as general advice with no expertise behind it. It sounds like you H just can't or won't cope with the issues in his life You sound amazing and. Is you have this crap to deal with. If you read Sandi2 oats it gives an insight to a WASs mind. They just don't think like you expect them to. All we can do is improve us and carry on and get / enjoy our life.
The rejection and replacement feelings you have , we all share. For me it's hard to believe my W and I are where we are. If you had asked me 11 months ago could this happen I would have laughed
As per my other post , your imagination is your worst enemy at this time. Stay focused on each moment and not what could happen or might have happened. The is a long journey for all of us and we can only deal with it as happens. By imagining what is going to happen we are causing ourselves more pain than we maybe have to.
Your H has caused your pain but by over thinking it you are now causing yourself more pain
