Hi Toots!What led my M to this point... My oldest son was having some depression problems a little over three years ago, he was diagnosed with ADHD and started taking some medication, at some point his doctor changed the meds and he end up in a hospital for a week, he lined three times and we were given no hope for him to came back, it was devastating, but he made it. Right after, my S17 best friend (he was like my own kid) committed suicide, it was extremely painful and now I was dealing with my S18 depression. He did not want to have friends for a long, long time. On 12/24/13 S20 was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. It was when he tried to kill himself, to hurt himself, that things started getting really bad. I would spend hours talking to him, giving support, holding his hands and praying, sometimes all night long. To make things worse, my little one, the S14 had whooping cough (he had the vaccine), he was out of school for 50 days. At this point I felt drained, tired, I now recognize now that I was very depressed, sad, hopeless. H start getting very distant, he would come home from work, talk a little, eat dinner with us and then go to the bedroom very early. I did not have time for him for a while, and he decided I did not love him anymore and that's why I was not giving him the attention. I said to him many times that I would like to go to counseling and have my words translated to him in a way he would understand that I do love him, I just have too many things to deal with. I asked him to take some things of my plate for awhile but his selfishness did not allow him to help, to understand... he was thinking about himself and how life was stressful at work and at home, that his career was not the way he wants it to be and that his boss was in his way to success. That he wanted more romance but I was always busy doing house work, kids. He decided to withdraw from the problems we were facing at that time. I felt very alone, many decision were my alone, I felt insecure and afraid of the future. S20 was in a hospital for a week again and this time because he was trying suicide again. H took the other 2 boys and spent the week in the mountains, doing his snowboarding, can you believe that? So I have lots of resentments, pain, anger... Fortunately, the boys are doing better now, they are each others friends and help each other all the time. And now, they help me. About my GAL. I do work part time, what I like a lot, and was told do not change my job situation until I know better if there will be a divorce or not. In my job I help people with serious problems, patients that do not have limbs. I do see a lot of hope and courage every day coming from folks that already lost so much. I am going to the gym at least three times a week - lost 27lbs already... everyone says I am looking very good. Signed up to volunteer for the Salvation Army Christmas bell ringer, go to church every sunday and sometimes talk to some friends after mass. Have a support group for hurting individuals during the Holidays to attend. I see a therapist every week and love it, he is pro marriage, but believes that I need to work on myself first. Have a prayer group that meets every wednesday, it's more like getting together with some nice friends to talk to God and ourselves about our lives. And I am always trying to do my best to find something to do if I have a day off, like next week short vacation trip to the mountains. I would say my next goal is to call an attorney and set up an appointment and I want to go back to school, I have a bachelors degree in Languages, but I need to find out what I want next. And you are right Toots, I can't do much about my selfish H. And I cried, begged, etc just one time and then my pride was such that I refuse to be the victim. Soon after the bomb I found DB website, I have DB and DR and read both and keeping reading again and again. Amazing as it is, what has been helping me is this board, I keep thinking about Labug's words of wisdom and it comforts me, it makes me feel that even without the dinosaur my life will go on. If you have any other advise or idea to improve my situation, please do, I need to learn a lot, try, improve... thanks for all your help and caring Hugs to all.
