RAI, do you have a thread somewhere on the forum? If you don't, you may want to create one so that we can get to know you a little bit better, know your situation and try to provide advice/guidance to you. By creating your own thread, you'll be able to go back and follow your progress, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
