Do I walk away from WAW? (3)

[1foot2]

And more important than telling her you plan to move on is showing her (without telling her) that you are moving on and will be just fine.

Thanks Zew. That is exactly what I will do. I will say nothing about her moving out. I will tell her that I dont intend to come to Thanksgiving. If she asks why, I will say I dont feel its appropriate, and that I am moving on with establishing a new tradition for the holiday. (Im still trying to come up with something to do with the boys. Theyre so picky about food it doesnt really make sense to have our own "thanksgiving lunch", but something along those lines.)

I also appreciate the idea of simply using this info to be better prepared. If its in my mind for the next month that she will be gone soon, I will be completely ready before shes even out the door. Ive already started mentally separating our possessions.

What could you say that hasn't already been said? Why would this talk work when others haven't?

Sandi: Thanks for the check in. This wouldnt be a talk to try to convince her of anything. It would be a talk to state that I am fine with, even waiting for her to move out, so that I can move on. I'm still unsure if I should make some kind of comment to this effect: "I understand you are planning to move out after Xmas. I wish you had done this sooner." Something like that, to indicate that I am in fact ready to move on.

But I realize that the better choice is simply to keep demonstrating that I have been moving on and will continue to do so. The truth is that I have. Although I have certainly kept it in the back of my mind that she might reconsider. Its almost like I am impatient for her to do *something* so that the reality of this can have more of an impact on her quicker.

RAI: Thank you for checking in. It does help to hear someone seeing that I've made progress. I think what frustrated me more about this convo I had with her friend yesterday was her throwing all of this crap at me as if the last 4 months hadn't even happened. With time to reflect, I realize that it has nothing to do with my actual progress, but more with the fact that the "reasons" my W and her friend have for the split are not all that connected to reality. I am no longer going to have these kinds of conversations with her friend. They are horrible for me.

I had a good convo with my mom this morning. She thinks I should file and get it over with, but understands that that is not quite my strategy at this point. She gave me a lot of 2x4s about taking the BFFs criticism too harshly, and reminded me that my Ws escapist personality has always been there, that she put all of the blame on me when I was battling with depression earlier this year (while working full time, sleep deprived from a newborn, and doing more than my share of housework), and that my W clearly appears to be looking for someone new to save her, because I did not, and that all of her claims to be striking out on her own as an independent woman are so far all smoke and mirrors. She still loves my W but believes very strongly that she is the wrong person for me.

At this point, it is a deep love (deeper than all of this stuff which is piled high at this point) for the *best* her, and a desire for a whole family that keeps me holding on to some kind of hope. But its hard not to see the reality that I will just be better off without her. Its hard to see her coming back and wanting to work, and impossible to know how I would even feel at that point. And as my mom reminded me today, she is going to need to fall much farther in order to really confront her issues. It could take years.

All in all, I feel good. Let the detachment continue.