I kept trying to think of a catchy new thread title. Then I saw my last thread had 99 posts and it just came to me. I've been in the anger, hurt, crazy phase these last few months and I need to stop focusing on H. He ain't my problem right now!!!
High school sweethearts, married 20 years Since about 2010 knew " something wasn't right" with H. Became moody and very different personality. Started buying lots of motorized toys, having an EA with our friend/neighbor. In late 2012 told me he wasn't sure our marriage was going to work- said he was " deprioritized" and I wasn't meeting his needs. I do have a very demanding job and was building a new practice during all this so I tried to change as much as I could and work on things that I knew were issues ( including a somewhat SSM for years). Nothing I did seemed to be enough. Then in Sept 2013 he told me he was seeking out a divorce. I was shocked. Despite all our issues- I didn't expect him to do that. Found DB/DR 3 days later and realized this is MLC. He moved out Oct 1 and filed Oct 10. Hasn't done anything more with it but who knows. Said recently he thinks we will be divorced before end of year. Moved back in Jan 17 because he was suicidal. Got on AD, going to IC but still not sure about relationship. Moved back out early May saying he just felt he needed to move forward with the divorce in order to get through everything he needs to deal with.
I have been dim since Oct, needed to for my own sanity as I'm hitting a different phase in my journey that can only best be described as volatile. It's weird- in the beginning I hit the books and started working on me and was calm and compassionate and forgiving with H. Since his last announcement that he needs to D ( late Sept) I am angry and emotional and sometimes crazy in my thinking! I don't show that to him basically because I keep my distance. But it makes me feel like I'm going backwards sometimes. I continue to work on myself, and I'm digging into some pretty deep and longstanding wounds so maybe that's it. I'm just ready for some peace that lasts more than a few hours or days.
Last edited by daring; 11/20/1406:38 PM.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
