See you have to keep making it about your poor choice, your delusional state, your instincts.
When we get married and become a couple a new entity is formed. Some people do well with it, some don't. Being footloose and fancy free as a single is one thing, add the responsibilities of M, a house, a working spouse, kids-it's suddenly a whole new and sometimes not enjoyable, enterprise.
Some are up for the challenge, some aren't despite perhaps their best efforts. People do change.
Yes, we have our part in that and taking responsibility for and working on what is ours is our work. Part of that is emotional detachment and knowing and protecting our boundaries.
It's also taking in the fact that we have NO control over other people. They do what they do because of their stuff. Do they sometimes react to us? Yes. Should we be compassionate and loving and respectful? Yes. Do we need to take responsibility for our actions? Yes. Do we have to take responsibility for their reaction? NO!
Somewhere inside us we have to be able to love and like ourselves, otherwise we're always looking for someone else to provide that, to validate us. But if we can't see that in ourselves, how can we expect someone else to see it and cherish it. If we treat ourselves like crap that gives every other person on the planet the permission to do the same.
You're both smart, charming, talented, witty women. We who communicate with you here get that. You need to see and cherish what we see very clearly. Challenge yourselves to treat your selves more gently.
Hugs to you both.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
