KGirl con't

[KGirl]

Maybell - you know, I find myself thinking things like "If he cheated, this would be easier. I could be angry at him and if he was actually in love with someone else and that's why he left me, I guess I could understand why he didn't want to try to figure things out with me. Why would you if you already had someone else waiting for you that you were sure would be better?" Or "If we fought all the time and were yelling and screaming at each other, then it would make sense to get a D, because we'd be so unhappy." But, obviously there are many people on this site that have had those things happen, and are still pushing for their M to work or are still wondering why some of those things happened. So, I don't know how much worse it'd have to be. Maybe those things would still not be bad enough. Hard to say without experiencing them.

labug - I've been pondering this quite a bit yesterday and today. Part of it is that when someone does something cr*ppy or that lets me down but there's an explanation, it's easier for me to accept because generally it's beyond their control. Someone is rude to you and you find out they are on the autism spectrum and struggle with social cues. Someone didn't show up for an appointment and I find out it's because they were sick. Someone didn't invite you to something and you find out they accidentally forgot to include your email on the list. Things like that, if that makes sense. Generally the explanations are never what I fear, which is "I just don't like you. I'm an inconsiderate person. Etc." Knowing the explanation gives me a sense of relief. Maybe I'm pushing for answers because I do think there is one but H won't admit it (that he fell for someone else) and I just want him to come clean and admit it and quite hiding from the truth. Him saying it's just who he is can't really be the truth, in my mind, because it just doesn't make any sense. What is "just who he is"? Someone who can't stay in a relationship for the long haul? Someone who needs to sow his oats? I don't know. I get that it doesn't have to make sense to me, and I just need to accept his reasons are his reasons... but I don't know that I've truly accepted that in my "heart" or deep down in my brain.