I will get my son some pants. That’s not it. It just seems like the few times we actually have any sort of conversation, it ends up with her proclaiming something about her monetary troubles, like its exclusively MY fault that were under such financial stress. I guess my frustration and resentment about the situation makes me keep going back to the thought of, “Well, this is what you did. Face up to it and realize the fallout you created.” I guess her continuous denial that her actions had any negative repercussion on any one but me make me…well, angry. I’m likely too sensitive about it, as the denial is thick, but I can’t help it. But I don’t show it. But I do need to learn how to detach.
And, yes, the boy is ours. We have two step daughters (her’s from her 1st marriage; this is my first marriage her second). He is our only biological child together.
I always try to be polite and caring towards her. That part is not hard. I do love her with all my heart. When I say I hope she has a nice day, I always mean it. I always have. I just wish she would return it, even just a little. It just hurts that were together for so long and she chooses to be this way. I know that I should not try to make sense of it – quite a few good folks on here have told me this – I just wish it was…different. It doesn’t need to be this way.
It is, indeed, a learning experience. But I do feel like I’m cramming to pass the quiz sometimes. And that I’m going to fail it no matter what I do. But I won’t stop trying.
Thank you, Goat. I sincerely appreciate your perspective.
@EDZ: Thank you very much. I’ll have to take a look at your thread as well (thank you for the link). I’ve been reading the first book and I have studied Sandi’s rules (she’s been nice enough to pass on some amazing insight and advice on my thread as well). The outward stuff is where I’ve been focused; the inner stuff is just not doable for me at the moment, to much turmoil in my psyche, but I am trying to make it into something I can accomplish. I will get there, I;m sure, but its going to be a very long road.
