How to start rebuilding? - 2

[Hoju]

We met with the lawyer today to finalize the sale details of house. I walked in calm, cool and collected, looking and smelling great. Things were going well, sign here, sign there. Then the lawyer left us alone for about 5 minutes. W was very pleasent, she asked how my trip to jersey was (i went with some friends last weekend) i just told her it was amazing and left it at that. I asked about her family and made a joke about the snow and her cousins who live in buffalo, she asked how I was doing with everything and I just told her I was doing good, I then asked how she was doing with everything she just shurgged and looked sad like things weren't great, I'm sure she just did that to spare my feelings so I wont read into it. I also asked about the cats she said they were good and that I never answered her text (the one about her keeping both) I just said I know and changed the subject, I'm not ready to give up the cat so I'm postponing it.

The lawyer came back and asked for my forwarding address, for some reason at this point I lost my nerve. I will be staying at my mothers until the new year and didn't want to admit that I was moving back home in front of W. I started to choke on my words and tried to get out that I would just let him know. When we left I was so rattled I was shaking like a 14 year old at his first high school dance. W told me to drive safe home (it's snowing heavily) i said you too and essential ran off.

I'm not sure why I get so nervous around W. She has been nothing but nice and is just trying to get on with her life. I feel I may have squandered one of my last chances by losing my nerve, which is not something that happens ever to me.