MrBond, I have really struggled with trying to come up with "to do" lists with regards to him. My H is very good with the cool distant demeanor and I am finding it near impossible to find things to break that demeanor down, even for short periods of time.
I try to do things I know usually pique his interests. For example: he is not a big cook himself but he has always been interested when I try out new recipes, so I have been looking up recipes and testing out a few new ones a week. He always has an interest in what I am doing and will usually hang out in the kitchen with me to watch and chat.
He also loves photography and actually (unexpected surprise!)he bought me a very nice camera for my recent birthday. I don't know a thing about photography so this has put him in a position of spending time with me to teach me how to use it (intentional on his part?). I have been using this as a common interest between us. Hopefully a hobby we will be able to do together.
I have also been slowly working up the amount of couples activities we do together. At first it was just the odd thing for appearances sake since we had not told our friends or family what was happening, but I have been slowly pushing the boundaries and pushing plans just a little further into the future. Instead of day by day I am going week by week now. I even got a commitment out of him for an outing in mid December.
He still has not verbally committed to working on our marriage but at least he doesn't seem to be running away from it anymore either.
