W left house last night at 8pm and said she was going tanning booth. Took her 2 hours and the place is only 2 blocks away. She did come home and actually talk to me stuff with daughter and came into bedroom while I was getting ready to go to bed and share a funny story with me. Don't know if this is positive. Still do not know if EA has gone to PA. According to DB I'm not to check and act "as if" nothing is going on, to ignore it. However, our R will never get on track if there is a OM in the picture. Do not know whether or not to face this head on with W or just chill for a while longer. On some things I see some minor baby steps however, based on the amount of time each week my W goes off the grid (disappears) things could be heating up with OM. I know spying is against the rules but for some reason I feel it is better to be locked and loaded....Any suggestions would be appreciated. My W is not your typical female, she has a great deal of tom boy tenancies and very few female friends. She just gets along better with male friends...
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
What do you do if you know your W is lying about things but you do not have proof of an A? Do you get the proof or continue to act "as if" nothing is going on?
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
This past weekend my D was upset and actually talked about harming herself and that one of the main reasons was because of my W. My D would not elaborate but did say she would like my W to attend one of her counseling sessions and that maybe then she could say what she means. My D told my W that I understood her. This all made my W very upset and I told her to call the counselor and setup a meeting with the three of them and then set one up with the counselor, me and W. It has been a very long road the last few days. As of today my W still was not setup a meeting. I am giving her to the end of today and then I will setup meetings. I still need to find a way to get concrete evidence of an A but just do not know how to go about doing it. My W is very tech savvy and thinks I am currently tracking her, which I am not. What is a good way to get solid evidence?
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
Why do you need solid evidence? What good does it serve?
I ask those seriously and with neutrality. Not negatively.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Little, I have bits and pieces of information. If I have to go down the route sometime in the future that it is either me of the OM I want it to be factual. Do I think there is some kind of affair going on, yes. However I do not know if is a EA or PA. I have some evidence that she using some of money on someone (buying groceries and other small things) that do not make it to our house. I know she disappears a few times a week for hours at a time and always says she is shopping. This is a major red flag because my W for 20 years hates to shop and has done most of her shopping online. My kids are constantly asking where mom is and all I say is she is shopping.
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
You didn't answer my question. Why do you NEED this information and what purpose does it serve?
Suppose she says, right now, that yes, she's seeing someone on the side.
How does you having a CONFIRMATION of an affair change what you can control, what you can't, and how you react?
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Little, also sometime in the near future I may have to resort to Roxbx's method. My situation has been goiing on for over a year and it has not gotten much better. I just started placing soft boundaries on her behavior around me, the kids and when we are around friends. I know of three times she has lied to me about she is doing over the last 30 days but have not her know I know that she is not being truthful....
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
You didn't answer my question. Why do you NEED this information and what purpose does it serve?
It will help on how I handle the future. I may need to start protecting myself legally/financially.
Suppose she says, right now, that yes, she's seeing someone on the side.
How does you having a CONFIRMATION of an affair change what you can control, what you can't, and how you react?
Currently it will not change how I react. I am currently assuming that she is having an A of some sort. However, if sometime in the near future I resort to what Robx did I will need to have as much information as possible. Also, if for some reason she ends up going the D route I will be better off financially if I have independent proof of an A. I am of the belief that more information is better even though it goes against the DB principals. My W is my office manager and has total access to business and home financials. She has been on a spending spree for the last 6 months and I do know that some of our money is going to the OM. I do not know how much because she has always handle all the money, both business and home since we were married.
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
I had a copy of Robx's passage on trust. It was stuffed in my work briefcase along with my goal list. Evidently my W went through it last night and read them. She left ROBX's out for me to see that she read it. Any thoughts on how I should handle?
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
