Trying to stay patient- part 7

[Mozza]

Excellent advice from Zues126. I like the 30-day rule.

Tarheel, you're driven by your emotions and you get great satisfaction from it. You make excuses why you had to be nasty, to sidestep the rules, to be upset and show her. You need to catch yourself when it happens. Don't come here and make excuses after the fact. Come here to tell us what a heroic effort it was to hold back on that perfect comeback. We'll cheer on you. You say you don't know if you want the M -- then why do you ruin your chances of saving it? You stop DBing when you've made a choice to have a nasty S, not when you're on the fence. Sandi2 has been very blunt with you, to no avail.

Yes, you've been the bigger person for a while. Here's your medal. Was that what you were after? Or do you want to keep the option of a reconciliation alive? Is it such a big deal if you've made some extra efforts that end up being useless because you divorce? Are you capable of making these efforts? Everybody here makes tremendous efforts, beyond what they thought humanly possible, because we keep our eyes on the prize.

Think of anyone who has achieved something impressive. Was it easy to win the Superbowl? These men started getting up at 5 am when they were 6 years old to achieve their dream in the face of great adversity. Is it easy to publish a bestseller? It's months or years of self-doubt when you've got nothing to show for your days. It's all about delayed gratification. If you keep craving that immediate gratification, you'll never get the big prize -- either a healthy D or a reconciliation.

She's not going to win this, if you separate. Yes, she had inappropriate behavior. Are you jealous? If not, then let her deal with the guilt and social consequences. Being the bigger man will play in your favor in the long run. Remember that everyone, especially your kids, are observing you. One day, they'll be adult and will revisit the whole thing, with mature minds.

I think you're driven by your sexual jealousy. I get it. I have it too. It wakes me up most morning with a pulse of 80 to think that this OM is sleeping with my W -- for me sex is very special in a relationship. Perhaps it's the same for you. Don't deny your feelings, but don't let them drive your behavior because it takes you further away from your goal every time.