Zues, I think there were a combination of things that led me to decide to pursue the dissolution. In brief, W dropping out of MC, getting her own condo and meeting with an atty gave me every impression that we were headed towards D. She even told me that's how she was leaning and we started talking about kids/finances. The last few weeks, there have been more to pile on as she mentioned wanting to eventually date someone (I will not live in an open M) so I started leaning that way. With what I've been through, I think the fact that she told me that while trying to be funny was the turning point in my attitude towards her lately.
With the recent discovery that she was unfaithful to me at least twice that I know of prior to BD, combined with the fact that she never planned on telling me and that she doesn't see any benefit in explaining or giving me any answers about them now that I do know really pushed me over the edge. How could I continue to fight for my M with someone who had made several 'mistakes' with no intention of telling me and who only now gives a forced 'I'm sorry' because I found out? The question has changed from 'Do I want to save my M?' to 'Could I ever see myself being with this person?'
One of our biggest issues with our M was that she was always off doing things with her friends, girl trips to Chicago, Vegas, etc while I was the homebody who rarely went out. Now I look back at all those times she went out and question how many other 'mistakes' she made and never planned on confessing to.
I'm nowhere ready for a serious R right now, but I'm the type of person who doesn't feel 'right' about dating anyone while still legally M. I've spent 14 mos in limbo and am getting tired of saying 'If I was in a R, I now know what I'd do different...' I'm ready to put my knowledge to the test, should the opportunity present itself.
