Raliced - Climbing Without a Rope

[labug]

I just read all of your threads and a couple of things stand out.

Early on you said you thought your husband was pretty stable, no childhood issues, etc. Then later (I think) you had some realizations about the type of men you gravitate to and you mentioned strong mothers. Later you mentioned that his mother is a very strong woman.

You also mentioned that your H was not a mature adult or something close to that. (I couldn't find the exact quote going back, so correct me if I'm wrong)

Putting all that together, what do you take away?

I thought it was telling that when you needed him to be strong, he didn't respond in the way you needed. It may be that when he saw you (the strong one) cracking, he was even more off-balance. "OMG, if she's scared, this must be awful."

What does all this mean to you? I don't know. I think you've already started to figure out their was a very real imbalance in your R. Doesn't mean he can't be a good father to your Ds but it will probably take him some time to grow in to that. He probably quickly agreed to the terms of the D because he knows you're the strong one and he just wants out. Cut and run.

Did the 2 of you ever talk about needs, emotional or otherwise? What was the division of labor like in the household?

What is his past R history like?

I think you're moving forward and making a life. That's good. Keep looking inward. As I've learned, it's all an inside job.