So I apologize upfront for the length - this isn't exactly a venting post - because I'm not really angry - but just something that provoked some thought
Finishing up the refinance of our house and last night I was putting away some of the financial documents and I found myself reviewing last year's tax return. Back when I was preparing the taxes in February - STBX explained that he had cashed in an investment account to help with moving expenses and the costs of getting all of his credentials updated in the state. At the time, I was a little surprised he hadn't told me previously (didn't really seem like him) but it was such a financial maelstrom to move out here - that it really didn't seem all that unreasonable and we talked about putting together a financial plan moving forward, so I left it at that, and of course at that moment, I was in a place of trust.
Now, in light of all the revelations that have come out since then, I realized that the numbers just don't add up and that, duh, he had used some of that money on the first OW. I'm not really angry or even surprised - isn't inappropriately spending family resources on an affair partner just sort of classic?
And then of course, I got to thinking about some other things. When he got the job with his current agency, there was a swearing in ceremony that I was going to attend with the girls, and he insisted that I not bother (he would be trying to get a better job soon). His sergeant invited us over to meet his wife and to play Trivial Pursuit and he declined on my behalf by saying I was too fearsome of a player for anyone to have any fun. Each of these things seemed mildly weird at the time, but I didn't give any of them much thought or attention. And now, when I add it all up, it sure seems like he was deliberately trying to keep me separate from his work life (which is 45 minutes away). I don't want to think he was planning to seek out a new affair - but now it sure feels that way.
This doesn't really change any of my feelings about STBX, I've truly dropped the rope and have no expectations about him, although it reinforces my skepticism about everything he says and does. I am , however a little sad about me. How could I have missed what was so blatantly obvious? Prior to all of this happening I would have described my husband as a goofy, sweet, honest, hard working family man. He may still be a hard worker - but how did I not see he had slipped so far from the other stuff?
