Job you are very wise but I had to smile when You posted the word normal as it relates to MLC. When it comes to marriage and H - "normal" ceased to exist. I feel like Alice in wonderland.

Cali your observation about fear is spot on. I am fearful about everything. H's mental health. D's dealing with everything at a time when they should be focusing on their own dreams. Fear I will never get a job after 20+ years. FEAR, FEAR AND MORE FEAR. I am trying so hard to overcome it. Most days I can fake it in front of everyone. It is only here that I reveal that fear.

I carry on and keep thinking if I can just "fake it until I can make it." I know it is a process and time is my friend IF I don't get stuck. Knowing my daughters are watching how I am tackling things is a huge incentive. They need to see strength and compassion. I don't have to be perfect but I can't be angry, bitter or scared of my own shadow.

In my mind I think if I can get through the holidays 2015 will be a new chapter. You know how you set these deadlines in your mind? Well I have decided that January 1st is the launch of project Gwen. I have been preparing and researching my options while grieving the tragedy of MLC. IC, GAL and PMA are tools I will need if project Gwen is going to be successful I still see myself as a W but maybe I just need to set that aside.

M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou