Doing the limbo thing (thread 7)

[GoatGal]

Theoden,

I was just reading your posts above and I think they spell out the mindset perfectly.

I am at the point of deciding what I want from any R going forward, and wrapping my head around the fact that if I stick to my guns on certain issues, my H may well follow through with D rather than rise to the challenge of being the man I need him to be.

And although that thought frightens me a bit because it will force huge changes in my life, I know that it's for the best.

I would rather that he lets me know off the bat that he's not really invested in making lasting changes, than steal more years from my life in a half-life marriage built on a shaky foundation.

The issues need to be identified, discussed, a plan needs to be in place to solve both existing problems and deal with future conflicts.

Historically, my H has balked at exactly this type of thing; planning, rules, doing things which don't "feel natural". It is a lot to expect him to change at this point in his life.

However, it's what I want, and I now know how important it is to me and my well-being and contentment in a M. (Notice I did not say "Happiness". That's a different thing.)

Sorry for the hijack, Sho---it's just that this is where I'm getting to in my sitch and Theo's words ring true.

Very much a page from the wise Mr. Starsky, if you ask me.

--(G)GGG