Mach, Mach, Mach, is your day not complete unless you get to take a shot at poor 'ol Wet? I am new to this, I haven't been around the block on dealing with a WAW, and so I listen to suggestions, I'm teachable. So yes, I listen to people on the board that I respect (errr, like YOU), in hopes that I will learn something, that it will help ME. And surprise, surprise, just as you suggested, answering Truegritter's questions helped. Me.
Hey Wet..
I took your suggestion and stepped back for a day...
And I gotta say, sadly for your pity party, My day was still complete without busting you on the head....
Did you go back and read his threads ???
Maybe it will help you get from this...
Wet's answer I thought Truegritter's questions were rhetorical. But because AJ thinks I should actually answer them, I will.
How would I want to be loved, if I was in crisis, scared, if I was confused, and if life was chaotic? I would want to be loved unconditionally, without judgment, and with a self-giving, self-sacrificial love.
Yes, my W needs me to love her now more than ever. And you have shown me that I should be giving my W the same kind of love that I would want if my life was turned upside down ("unconditionally, without judgment, and with a self-giving, self-sacrificial love").
Grit's answer
How do we need to be loved?
At this point in your journey it is still about how you need to be treated (loved) and yourself worth and respect is still dependent on your spouse and others.
We may decide to leave at this point because of the long suffering we have endured at the hands of our spouse and predicament. If we leave now we confirm our ignorance of what love means and confirm that to our spouse that your love was not real but dependent and conditional.
You confirm again all the self loathing your spouse feels inside because the person that is supposed to love them hasn’t and won’t and never will.
We then begin to understand…
We yearn for a deeper answer. We crave knowledge that has so far been unattainable.
We want to know the mystery of love. The mystery of our marriage. To know ourselves.
To remove self doubt. To know ourselves. To know who we are at our core.
We start to focus on ourselves. To look inside and know who we are.
Find things we don’t like. Endeavor to change them. To learn what and who we aspire to be.
Not as someone our spouse wants us to be. We tried that already. Who we really are.
When you do that you begin to understand why you are standing for your spouse and your marriage.
And you start to learn what real love is.
Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s also when other people care about our happiness unconditionally.
And what it is not
It is not what we have lived in our life and our marriage up to now. It is not controlling. It does not desire and force. It does not depend on action or inaction from our spouse.
And so as we let this soak and it takes hold we discover an amazing thing and it gives life to us and breaths hope into our spirits and that is
Unconditional love is when we love despite the foolish choices of our spouse, when they fail to do what we desire, regardless of any choice they make. This love alone has the power to heal all wounds, deliver self respect and remove all doubt for you and your spouse. It allows love and healing to flourish.
This is how we need to be loved. And this is the paradox.
That we only get this when we give it.
And now is the opportunity.
There is no GREATER opportunity you will ever have in your life then NOW to express this kind of love.
To do this takes greater courage than most people will ever understand and will ever know.
And you have received this wonderful gift only by going through the experience. By the trial.
By the tragedy.
What greater thing could you aspire to do.
EVER.
Originally Posted By: Wet
So I watched 'Scott Pilgrim vs. the World' tonight. I love this movie. But the end is the best. Here Scott is battling the “evil 7 exes” of Ramona. He does it to win her, to free her from her past. But against the 7th evil ex, Scott learns that after dying (don't worry, he has a "1-up"), that he fights these evil guys for himself, not to "fix" or rescue Ramona. With this discovery he earns the Sword of Self Respect and with this insight, he wins the battle. For himself. Hilarious movie!
One of my Son's favorite movies...seen it many times....
I am new to this, I haven't been around the block on dealing with a WAW, and so I listen to suggestions, I'm teachable. So yes, I listen to people on the board that I respect (errr, like YOU), in hopes that I will learn something, that it will help ME. And surprise, surprise, just as you suggested, answering Truegritter's questions helped. Me.
