If you are in LRT or dark, why would you want to send one? Would it make you feel better? Did he acknowledge your birthday?
I, personally didn't send my xh a card after he walked out 30 days prior to his birthday. I felt he didn't deserve one after the way he had behaved and the lies he had told during that time. Six years later, he always sends me a "happy birthday" text and I generally do the same. Likewise the holidays generate a bit of contact, but other than that I remain detached w/him, i.e., of course it will soon be 15 years for me and a divorce in the mix.
You have to determine if you want to send one, but do so w/o expectations. He may or may not acknowledge it. If you do opt to send a card, make sure it is very generic and do not sign w/the word "love" or anything that is romantic or addresses him as your husband. As for the girls, it's their choice and if they do not want to do anything, then don't force the issue.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
