It doesn't feel like a fairytale anymore...

[fthnluv]

When you look at it just keep in mind what will keep you up at night and what you can sleep with.

That's a good way of looking at it. I just want to protect my kids, and even H, from all of this. I am praying for a reconciliation one day so to some extent I look at it as a huge, expensive and ultimately unnecessary expense that we are incurring. I cannot live with the hope of reconciliation at the forefront, I must live with the real possibility that this is my new life so I try to make decisions based on that angle.

What's helped me is that I have two men in my family who I can confide in. They are not vengeful and we do not talk about facts and figures. They are helpful because they help me understand the way many men negotiate.

You can't be the wife in this situation. Maybe later but not right now.

You are so lucky have that. Those men I have in my life are too close to the situation (dad, brothers) so I don't feel comfortable sharing too much with them because I don't want them to have to deal with feelings that they can't deny later if we reconcile. I do have my Pastor and he has been a huge help in caring for me but watching out for me and my kids as well.

H sent me his travel itinerary for next week. He will be here the day after Thanksgiving until the Monday following, about 2.5 days with the kids. Ugh. I see that he is coming from an airport nearest to where OW is from so I can only assume he will be with her family on Thanksgiving. I wonder how her family will react to this older man in her life? He's 41 and she's 23 so that should make for some interesting side comments. If my husband is the man I've known for most of the last 23 years he will fit right in and be charming and they will love him but who knows what H will show up. I'm going to spend Thanksgiving with H's parents and my kids and try not to think about what H is doing. He's missing a holiday with his kids and he will live to regret that. Oh if I could be a fly on the wall though...