The Goddess and GUBU: Square Dancing at the Triple GGG Ranch

[GoatGal]

Wasn't it Raine's husband who had the moving toothbrush?

Well, it appears that the clothing which disappeared from here a few weeks ago has reappeared.

I saw a few things last week, now I was just down in the area of the basement that H is using as a "closet" and---lo and behold--there are a bunch of clothes hanging there now!

"Things that make you go... 'Hmmmmmmmm'..."

Not just his farm clothes, either. I'm talking ties, shirts... no undies though.
That would be too personal.

On the other hand, he doesn't so much as leave a toothbrush here. He actually carries his toothbrush, toothpaste, lotion, etc. back and forth when he stays over.
(Note: We buy in bulk, so there are toothbrushes and plenty of paste to be had. As well as lotion, deodorant, contact lens solution... Whatever!)
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* He is still giving me his whereabouts, why he might be late, etc. He lets me know when he is on his way, hasn't done the "show up unannounced" routine in a few weeks now.

* He texts me "Goodnight" almost every night, and is now initiating little texts during the day, with questions like "How are the pups? Are they frozen yet? It's going to get really cold..." Nothing he NEEDS to ask me.

* He consistently has been sharing about his "writing", now "reading", his bike riding... his plans for the week.

* He asks me my plans (though never about who, I think he's afraid to, so I tell him) and works around them.

* He has been great as far as doing anything I ask, taking care of the animals, and whatever I need.
(Yes, I'd like him to do it without my asking but then I remember he's a teenager. They generally don't volunteer.) He is very consistent with being here every day and every weekend unless there is a work conflict and it would be pitch black.

* He has stopped asking the annoying "What time will you leave/return?" question when I go out. Funny too because I was right at the point of saying: "THE SAME DARN TIME AS EVERY OTHER WEEK!!!"

* And, looking back there have been exactly ZERO snarky texts from him in--what--a few weeks now?

I have to think about this aspect ^^^ some more.
I have been very careful not to push his negative buttons, so that may be part of the "reason", if there IS a reason. That I have given him no ammunition to react to.

Also, I have been very transparent as to what I'm up to, who I'm with, making it clear that I am GALing in groups, with girlfriends, and that my Farm Boy Toy was here for work purposes ONLY (the visuals and company were just a perk) and that he was not allowed in the house out of respect for H.

(Subtext: No people of opposite gender in the house for either of us. Not cool.)

Since these little things have been spelled out to him, he seems more at ease, maybe less threatened?

Still, I must bear in mind that he might just think "Great! She's keeping the home fires burning, being a good girl, not rocking the boat and not going anywhere with a new fella, so I can keep her on the back burner as long as I want!"

I want to make sure he does NOT get that impression.

What I want to convey is that I am:

1. I am a person of integrity. I have nothing to hide, therefore I hide nothing.

2. I tell the truth, even when it makes me look bad. (Except for the bathroom wall, that was a funny one. I kick a big hole, patch and paint it, and he goes off about a little scratch that had nothing to do with me.)

3. I am not dating, nor do I plan to date until I am emotionally, legally, and spiritually severed from my M, and have no "unfinished emotional business" (to quote Dr. Phil)
To do otherwise would be to use other people to make myself feel better at their expense. I will not do that.
That said, I am getting to know other men, spending time with them in groups doing activities, and flirting a bit to stay in practice. While making it crystal clear that I am not on the market at this time.
I have conveyed this to H as well, in actions, not words.

4. I keep up with my 180s; the things I needed to improve upon anyway.
a. I am keeping the (chaotic, disaster zone, no walls, no outlets, no closets or shelves) house as clean and organized as possible.
b. I am talking less, and listening more. I am toning it down and letting things go.
c. I am more conscientious about money and make sure to validate H for providing for me.
d. I don't ask questions, don't pursue, don't push R or "feelings" talk.
e. I am dressing better, sexier, make sure I am always well groomed and looking my best.
f. I don't complain about ANYTHING, just ask for help if I need it. I am always upbeat.
g. I am learning to take care of things without H.
h. I modify my voice to be softer, less strident, higher pitched. (It's an Aspie thing.) I take a breath during convos and stay on topic.
i. I consistently express my gratitude to H for what he does for me, and validate his feelings.
j. I try very hard not to let myself get distracted or overwhelmed. These are two things I wrestle with, along with procrastination.
k. I myself model the behavior that I want from H. Kindness, consideration, generosity, respect, being a good listener, being fun, interesting, attractive, easy-going and upbeat, sexy, and appreciative of others, and grateful for all I do have. I keep a PMA and communicate that to everyone I meet.

5. I allow myself to be vulnerable, and to ask him for help if I really need it. I let him see that even though I am capable, I am not immune to feeling sad or lonely, or needing help to get things done. That I do need him.

6. That I will be fine with or without him. That my life is full of wonderful things, and if he wants to ride MY ride, he'll get the benefit of that life.

7. That I am a Kick-A** Friggin' Dancing Goddess of the Goats!


Just an update, while I was counting the shirts and ties he's got down there....

---(G)GGG