Need help. Jefe's always confused. Pt 6

[Jefe]

I don't think she realizes the reality of it all. I don't even know what she expect to gain from a D anyway. None of the problems are going to go away just because of a divorce.

Ironically, she is on her way this afternoon to do her laundry and visit. I'm not sure that she gets the concept that if we D, all of that goes away. I would never withhold visitation, ever. But this idea that yo can just pop in and grab a bite to eat and do your laundry whenever you'd like will certainly stop.

Sorry things are tough, Jefe.

I have had the same thoughts about my H. Like "why does he not realize that a D will only make life harder? That it won't fix anything?"

I finally had to give up on those questions, or any questions that would require them to respond rationally instead of emotionally.


They're in such a different place than we are emotionally. They don't see things like we do, and there is no use trying to get them to share our vision.

The more people that tell them they're nuts, means they have more opportunity to steadfastly defend their decisions.

Best to go with the flow and accept she is going to think however she will.
(And yes, ask almost anybody here and we'd agree it's mostly crazy/selfish, but that's life.)

Meanwhile, you're right. W does not get to treat you like a Residence Inn. Pop in to do laundry, eat, get some "Family Time", and then go off to do whatever.

It doesn't work that way.

What can you do to show her through your actions that this is unacceptable?
The only thing you can do is behave in a way that communicates your stance.

Thoughts?

---(G)GGG

I wish I knew at this point.

I understand they won't share our vision. They are completely incapable of even seeing that damage that they have done. My wife did some real serious damage when she left but I feel like she just keeps piling it on. I know her perspective is very different. I know that I MUST stop asking why. Just crazy that in a blink of an eye your entire world can change.

Add to that, the very thought of her hanging out with these new pals of hers makes me literally want to vomit. She has an entire new friend base.