Overall, it's imperative to FULLY realize that the attitude and skills required for successful piecing are not only DIFFERENT than those required for successful DBing . . . many of them are precisely OPPOSITE.
This is important to consider and an excellent point. DB-ing is partly to create doubt in the WAS or cheater's mind. It's a tough endeavor. A solo act. You are doing GAL and 180's to become your best self (in an ideal world) but in reality you are really doing it to save your marriage. Some of those activities you'll keep, some will slough off. Now that you are both moving towards each other, it's time to change from a solo to a couples dance. Some moves are the same, but some need to change.
Previously you put your own needs on the shelf. You forgave, validated, loved unconditionally and made yourself smaller.
One GAL you can do is actually start showing up in your own life and marriage. State your needs, wants. Create some healthy, loving, boundaries. ASK for what you want. This is not about being a jerk, it's about being a centered, actualized, confident man. This may be bumpy at first, but in the long run it will create MORE attraction that just being an emotional chameleon (shifting in response to your wife). According to "Nice Guy" theory, our attempts to fix everything and not show our weaknesses, needs or problems make us a teflon human. Nothing sticks to us. It's our rough edges that make us "sticky" and love-able. And it's a self-confident person who can allow themselves to be vulnerable and show their warts that is love-able AS THEY ARE. Being Super-Shodan means you never show weakness, never ask for what you want, and in the end, never become vulnerable, which is the key to intimacy. If you continue DB and 180 only as you have been, you are only trying to control an outcome, and not really engaging in a relationship. Your wife will like it at first, but sooner or later, she'll sense you are only "handling" her and are not being genuine.
So instead of 1. Just keeping up the self-effacing GAL activities that were DB-focused, or 2. Get exhausted and drop all of them, try, instead to, 3. Take up some new ones, that actually make you more real, visible and healthy in relationships.
It's been said that no woman believes that a man will stand up for her, until he's shown that he can stand up to her. Part of standing up to her, is learning to stand up for yourself. She can't trust a nice-guy chameleon. You can't trust someone who lies to you about her infidelity. So you BOTH have some work to do.
