Mozza 1 - 2009 near-separation, search for explanations. Mozza 2 - OM confirmed through kids on Halloween, refocus on me rather than blaming W. Mozza 3 - OM confirmed by W in email, strollergate, W has problems at work, unexpected blind date. Mozza 4 - Lunch with W went well, reflections on being dumped, kids and OM
My story After 9.5 years together, my W announced in early September that she wanted a separation. A week of pleading and begging didn't change a thing. She said I was criticizing her too much, that she was unhappy and no longer in love with me and she didn't want to live with half-emotions. A week later, she had moved out. A month and a half later, she revealed that she was going out with a coworker, met at the new job she started a month before BD (after a year of job-seeking). He's a good listener, 10 years younger than me, better-looking and athletic. He'd been courting her from week 1 and was present throughout her move. It didn't come as a surprise when she told me they were together. He left his gf to be with my W. My kids know and like him.
DBing I accept responsibility for what I did in the M, though I don't always feel responsible for the S because the OM shouldn't have courted a married W with 2 kids and more importantly that she should have told me and resisted. In any case, the only useful path is to reflect on my changes. I need to be less critical and less dismissive of my W's emotions. She had voiced her pain several times before the BD and none of her reasons to leave me (she didn't mention OM) were new to me. I had ignored her and she was hopeless that things could improve. There was more fighting than average in the months leading to BD. She said we were incompatible.
I'm good at being silent and distant, so much that she once called me to ask why I was so hard to reach. The "no pursuing" rule is easy to apply for me because it means doing nothing. What I'm not so good is acting normal and upbeat around her and what I'm awful at is detaching. Two months after she left, I can still feel like she left 10 minutes ago, disbelieving the whole thing is happening. My kids (D6, D3) take to the separation as if nothing happened. _________________________________________________
Success stories Feel free to make suggestions, especially with links to threads. I wish we had room in our profile to tell our story so that the vets and other successes could give us a quick summary.
