As of now...things are still a mess. Sometimes they feel good and it feels like we may get there sooner than later. Others, like tonight, she asserts that she's done, but can't leave due to money. Trying to hold on to the mantra of "believe nothing they say and only half of what they do."
If patience is indeed a virtue, this must be one of most virtuous places on the web.
I think the hardest thing anymore is that I feel like I've grown quite a bit in this process and I see a lot of things from her perspective much better than I ever have before...and I feel like she hasn't moved an inch. She says "I'm a grudge holder" with such pride that it makes me ill. Who is proud to be a grudge holder? How is that healthy?
I know that, no matter how this all ends, I'm a better man than I was before this began. I also am fairly certain, that, if she never does forgive past offenses and we end up being done, in the long run that will hurt her more than me. Holding anger inside is toxic and will poison any future relationships.
Now, back to digging out my PMA again, that slipped today as she was foul at me and I'm still fighting off a chest cold and being over-tired.
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
