I don't know what your wife is saying but as you respond remember that anger is a secondary emotion.
Your wife lashes when she is angry. So there is a good chance what she is saying is not why she is communicating.
Check for randomness.
For example, if the text says, "Why didn't the girls have on a coat today?" And the girls had on weather appropriate sweaters you would know two things:
(1) The time to discuss the girls school clothing has passed so the text is not about clothes. (2) There was nothing wrong with their clothes.
So before replying...step back and analyze. If the text really isn't about you don't make it about it about you.
