25, thank you again for your words of wisdom I do think that is where I'm stuck right now. It was the first thing I wrote on my list of things to talk about in IC, in terms of where I'm stuck and unable to let go and move on - the fact that I don't understand the WHY of all this. I know there will never likely be an answer. I don't think H even knows why. I went back to some of my very first posts and looked at some of the reasons why H said he was doing this - "we didn't have sex enough" "you didn't compliment me enough" "you're always asking me what I'm doing" All of which he never addressed beforehand, and all of which I worked very hard to do better at the 6 months we lived together.. but then he said it still didn't matter, there was nothing I or anyone else could do to give him what he wanted. So that brings me back to still wondering, why?? I told my IC it would be easier if he did something awful or something unforgiveable, or there was a clear reason to be unhappy (we fought all the time, for example). IC said "Are you sure? Would knowing that really give you the closure you want? Or would you just wonder why you couldn't fix that new thing?" Point taken. Someone posted this on facebook not too long ago, it sums it up well: "Giving up the need to know why something has happened to you will definitely count among the most rigorous personal challenges of your life."
I think at this point in time, I would be able to try and forgive him. If we got to the point of actually being D'ed and THEN he wanted to be in a relationship, I don't know about that. That's an awful lot to go through. If it got that far I think I'd say no, but hard to know until you're in the actual situation.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
I do think that is where I'm stuck right now. It was the first thing I wrote on my list of things to talk about in IC, in terms of where I'm stuck and unable to let go and move on - the fact that I don't understand the WHY of all this. I know there will never likely be an answer. I don't think H even knows why. I went back to some of my very first posts and looked at some of the reasons why H said he was doing this - "we didn't have sex enough" "you didn't compliment me enough" "you're always asking me what I'm doing" All of which he never addressed beforehand, and all of which I worked very hard to do better at the 6 months we lived together.. but then he said it still didn't matter, there was nothing I or anyone else could do to give him what he wanted. So that brings me back to still wondering, why?? I told my IC it would be easier if he did something awful or something unforgiveable, or there was a clear reason to be unhappy (we fought all the time, for example). IC said "Are you sure? Would knowing that really give you the closure you want? Or would you just wonder why you couldn't fix that new thing?" Point taken. Someone posted this on facebook not too long ago, it sums it up well: 
