@Rick: It does make sense. I appreciate your candor and words, Rick.
I know what I do to myself every day is not in my best interest. I've always been that guy to let almost anything go and to not hold on to the terrible things that can happen in one's life. I simply have not been a person to dwell on the harsher parts of life.
Until now.
I just can't find a way to push this stuff from my mind. It's been months and all my coping mechanisms have just shut down and have not come back, even in a small way. I'm in therapy, but its not helping yet. I know I need to find a way to put some distance between my heart and my wife, but I haven't figured out how to. I feel a little like a whiner saying all of this, but it is what it is.
All she gets to see is my happy face. I go over there to see my son, and I smile and joke a lot with him. I don't think she really notices as she just sits on FaceBook the entire time I am there. But my trips over there are not for her. They're for my son and I.
Tonight, she and I actually spoke for a couple of minutes. It was nice, until she brought up she has no money. I wanted to say,"well, this separation was your idea. Deal with your own consequences of your actions."
What came out was, "I'm sorry to hear that."
I left a minute later with a hearty good night.
I think I'm doing this right. At least I hope I am.
