It brought me to a very angry place. Dismantling our marriage will take a lot of effort, time and money. I am forced to do these tasks even though I don't want to. But the same time, effort and money could be used to rebuild our marriage instead. I'd be willing to work so hard at that.
Yep, we all face that same problem. I said as much to my W - "we can spend money destructively on lawyers or we can spend money constructively on MC." Keep in mind that they are running from a problem that they believe was too big to solve, and that we let them down, so logic and your new found willingness isn't an easy sale to them.
Originally Posted By: claire7
As I let go and lose hope and interest in the M, I'm finding it harder and harder to stop myself from confronting him. But now that I read that, i realize that if I WAS detached, and did let go, moving forward with a separation plan wouldn't bother me.
I think the thing to realize is this: If you get back together, there will be a lot of hard work, and you should be happier a year down the road. If you don't get back together, there will be a lot of hard work, and you should be happier a year down the road.
Realize that you don't get to make the call. You can only preclude the first choice, or force the second choice.
Realize that with either path, there is hard work and happiness for you. Concentrate on the happiness part, and realize that you shouldn't and don't need your H to make that happen. Anger and resentment do not lead to happiness, so ditch them. My W has shown me first hand where anger and resentment lead, and it is not a happy place. You may find it helpful to think of H as ill. It's hard to be angry with someone who is ill -- whatever it takes to get you in a state of mind that keeps your focus on you and your wellbeing. If H comes around and follows, that is upside; there is no reason to give up hope. But H can't follow if you don't lead.
