No 2x4's from me, Sho. This is difficult stuff, and I fully understand your reluctance to "spook the squirrel when she's finally eating out of your hand." I made some of the same mistakes (and they are mistakes, imho).
I do think you're "piecing," because you are both committed to working on the marriage. There are just ways to piece that protect you better than others, and what I was trying to get you to consider when you last posted was that THAT was your moment of maximum leverage.
Is your wife open to answering any questions that you have? And how truthful has she been (from what you know, and that she doesn't KNOW that you know) in her responses to you?
Reconciliation ("piecing") is, fully, 5-10x more difficult than DBing/affair-busting. It's not for the feint of heart! But if you two can pull it off, the rewards are ohhhhh so worth it.
