Doing the limbo thing (thread 7)

[shodan]

Sorry for the delayed response. Lots going on.

High level...it has been a pretty great 10 days since my W came to meet saying she wanted to commit to our R and our M. She apologized for what she did and has continued to acknowledge her blame/responsibility for where our M is/was.

She said what got her back was that she was scared that she would lose me and our family. She had seen changes in me that over time were being seen as consistent and permanent. At first, she said that she thought that my changes were all BS and that I was just in it to win it. But over the weeks/months she began to believe in them. Even since our reconciliation, she has commented multiple times that the old Shodan would have been angry about X, would have reacted different to Y, etc.

We went to our first MC session on Tuesday. We are going back again after thanksgiving (my W and I are traveling this week and cannot go over Thanksgiving either). It was a good session. My W liked it and commented that she was very happy that we were doing this.

In terms of romance, last Saturday I bought her a single rose and put it on her car for her to see when she got out of yoga (she was with a friend who commented how romantic I was). I bought her some new lingerie. We have ended most nights talking over a glass of wine. My W booked a date for us this past Friday, which was great fun (drinks with friends followed by dinner afterwards). Saturday we went to yoga together and then to a movie (we saw Gone Girl...the book was better).

My 20,000 ft view of our situation:
- I need to back off a bit. for the first few days, my W was 100% into our R, being together, etc. But she also is/was someone who wants/wanted her space. I sense that she is not pulling back but perhaps feeling "smothered". So I am going to limit my texting, etc.
- Some days my W is super happy, others she is more withdrawn. Maybe she is going through withdrawal, maybe she is sad, maybe she is depressed. Who knows.
- while my W has apologized and taken responsibility for what led up to her asking for a D, she has not provided to me full transparency. She will show me things on her phone and does not act secretive about it, but I do not know the code.

Do I fully trust my W? I want to, but the truth is no, I do not.

I know the 2x4s will be:
- we are not "piecing" into she divulges everything, provides full transparency, etc.
- we are moving too fast..slow down

So why didn't I do that? Honestly, it is very hard to "push" away my W when she wanted to reconnect and recommit to the M. I did not want to make her think that I would never get past the A so why should she even try. And then once we got back into being a couple, it was very easy. And after the past 5-6 months of h*ll, it felt good to be wanted by someone again. To be told that I was sexy, attractive, a great person. It was nice to hear her comment about women looking at me. For example, I called her once and she said "I am so glad that you called".

I am meeting with my DB coach on Thursday.