Newcomer With Hope (2)

[Little]

I don't know what to say when the situation doesn't change much from day to day, but I feel like I need to keep posting here.

I'm trying really hard to detach, but some days I just get caught up in the emotions of missing BF and start to cry - like last night. I try my best to avoid thinking about it, but occasionally the thoughts of BF and OW surface and I end up upset again and the waterworks start.

On one hand, mind reading or not, it appears that BF doesn't miss me at all, and has happily gone on with his life; like he's just replaced me with OW. I feel like a divine miracle will be necessary for him to ever find his way back to me again.

On the other hand, I try to remind myself that I can't predict the future and I can't possibly know what's going on inside BF's head. Plus, OW is just at the start of her divorce with a husband that doesn't want to be done, and has a teenager and a young kid (5 or 6?) too. Things can't possibly be as idyllic as they seem. BF was pretty adamant when we were together that he was past the "kid thing" (was okay with me) so we'll see how that weighs on him.

Plus, this is a marathon, not a sprint. So long as I'm moving in the right direction, I won't get too hard on myself.

I'm still GALing - movies, dinners, outings with friends. We did a "cocktails and canvas" night last night, where you bring your own booze and they guide you through painting a simple, whimsical painting; it was lots of fun. We're also looking into tickets for a concert next month. Also trying to pepper in plenty of "me time", in between.

I texted BF this morning because Grumpy Cat seems to be a future host of WWE's Monday Night Raw, which has long been a joke between us. I used to tease BF about his enjoyment of the show, and he used to shoot back that they were "man soap-operas" and we'd laugh. He was enthusiastic about responding and told me, "Oh my god I have to see that!".

I try to ultimately let him contact me first, but it was funny and he received it okay, so...no harm done, I think.

Still swimming, still swimming, still swimming.