It doesn't feel like a fairytale anymore...

[fthnluv]

I really can see how reconciliation would have to follow the sequence in which your pastor has stated. Divorce, re marry, divorce again, with the hopes of total clarification of the choices he's made. However, if it ever does get to that point, you must consider where you will be at that point in time.

Yes, that is the great unknown. At this point I am so new to this I can't possibly imagine being at a place where I do not want to reconcile with H and restore our family but who knows what lies ahead, right?

fthnluv - I'm very likely going to be starting 'negotiations' with H soon. How do you keep your cool when talking about these things with him? How do you not get angry? How does that stay below the surface? How do you have a conversation that stays pleasant?

LOL! I laugh at the idea that I might have any wise words as I am so new to this yet. I think I keep my cool because I know I have to, first of all. In fact, there was a time when I was so calm and cool it freaked H out. Secondly, we've always had a very easygoing relationship. We were the couple that never fought (I realize now that that can be a warning sign) but it still applies. H truly wants to do right by us, at least from the financial point of view, so there's not really much to argue with. He sent me, in writing, his offer of a settlement and it was(is) very reasonable so it was just a matter of some clarifications and a few changes to amounts of time which he *seemed* open to.

But, keep in mind, my H was apparently very unhappy with many things I've done or said in the past 23 years and never said so, he hates conflict so he might just be keeping his mouth shut to avoid conflict again now. Then again, I'm sure he's still in the guilt stage so it could be that too. Not sure that helps you but it's the situation I'm in.

I actually count my blessings regularly with all of this, so far the kids are ok (Daddy's been gone 2 years for work so they didn't have to get used to that) he's been continuing to pay the bills and he's been pretty nice to me most of the time. Crossing my fingers this continues. I know I am one of the lucky ones in this regards.