Married young, W had affair w/ coworker

[UpperCu]

We had a big convo tonight...

Tonight I called out my W for continuing to lie to me. I jumped on the computer to pull something up while she was in the bathroom. She didn't have a chance to delete anything or cover her tracks and she had Facebook up and was JUST looking up OM and his GF. I asked what she was doing looking him up since she has been telling me she is over him and he is out of the picture. She attempted to play it down as if it was harmless and since she wants to S it doesn't matter anyway who she looks up...

I told her this was deceitful and disrespectful as she is continuing this behavior in our house, using resources I paid for, etc. I am DONE with being lied to and disrespected every day.

She offered her phone for me to look through as proof she was being honest and had not contacted OM. I obliged and before looking I asked if OM's phone # was on there. She said "No" and I quickly found it hidden under a different name.

The convo calmed down and we wound up talking for several hours. I kept my composure throughout even though she attacked fiercely several times.

At one point she asked "what do you need from me right now?" and I said "the truth. just tell me the truth. I don't care if it is what you think I want to hear or frankly what it is, but I am tired of being disrespected and lied to every day." She conceded that was reasonable and proceeded to tell me many things... I asked her what she wanted from me and she said "you have been amazing throughout all of this. you have not blown up at me, you have been there to talk with me when I need someone, even though this is hurtful to you, and you are the person I am hurting the most, you are there for me."

She revealed to me why she was out until 4:30am last night... she was at a strip club and even got a lap dance from one of the strippers. WTF!!!

She also told me she bought a 2nd cell phone to contact OM recently but never followed through since she thought it didn't make sense to contact him right now.

W said the A has opened up what her sexuality means to her, where she previously had only had sex with one person (me), sex means something different now that she has had sex with two people.

She told me more details about the A and that the R with OM had ended with him saying he wouldn't contact her, but she could contact him if she wanted to. So she left it open ended with him. No wonder she is where she is at emotionally, she has simply put the A on "hold" and did not actually end it.

We proceeded to discuss separation and came up with a budget through the end of the year that would allow W to begin to pay towards expenses and allow her to move out of the house in January. We also discussed all of our major assets and who would get what. I will certainly not sign anything without review by an attorney, but we have settled on what I think is a reasonably fair plan for splitting assets and debt.

W had a few moments in this convo where she broke down in tears:

We discussed who would get the pets and we both agreed I would need to keep them since her career requires her to travel often. Also she brought up the idea of selling her diamond engagement ring. She stopped for a few moments and broke down in tears saying this was all coming to her in waves. The ring ended up on the list of items to sell...

I think W got the message I was sending: I am not your plan B, you are going down a path I am not okay with, I did not want any of this but I feel that I need to protect myself from who you have become. While I am your friend, I do not support the direction your life is headed and must separate myself from your dangerous and disrespectful behavior. I am ready for my life to get better.