BD and 6 months later PA confirmed (2)

[Bunches]

Had the follow up conversation with W tonight. Have mixed feelings about the whole thing. We talked about the possible move out of state and she was so stiff about it and kept saying she was probably just not going to accept it. Then she told me she had been thinking about just fighting for custody cause she felt like she should so she could tell him one day that she fought for him. Then she said I seemed to have my mind made up and was probably going to go anyways but didn't see how I could without her permission.

Through most of this I'm just trying to talk about like business. Discuss the options and the pros / cons to each. I didn't let it get away with me but when she said I could not do anything without her permission it just slipped out. I said I could just get a custody order. She looked shocked. I said I'm not saying I would or will but back when I consulted in May they said it would be the best option if we went contested. Which the lawyer did say because of the A and abandonment with her just having walked out, no child support and all. I didn't elaborate the details just mentioned it as a possible. She fell apart at that point and spent the next hour of conversation balling.

We talked about several things. She turned to R at some points trying to explain that she had come to me a couple weeks before BD saying things needed to change but that I just blew her off. I do kind of remember the conversation but I thought it was about money and vacation times because of stress. Just goes to show I really wasn't focused on the right things either then. Anyhow she seemed more willing to sign papers agreeing to my custody saying that she didn't feel like she would have a choice either way. I talked about the needs to the job and what it could mean for S but I think she couldn't get her mind off how much she would not see him.

She did draw back the conversation at one point to why I had said a couple weeks back that I could not trust her with all the lies. She started to tell me that I knew everything and that it was all out in the open. I asked if she remembered the conversation in May where she would never see or talk to OM again or see any other man as long as we were still M. Then asked if she held up to either of those. She cried and went on about how sorry she was and knew she was wrong for the way she had handled everything. I didn't spend time comforting but said I didn't want to make her feel bad, that wasn't my interest.

I know...I shouldn't have gotten into details but when she started fishing for why feeling all justified about me being mean I just didn't know how to avoid at least a little talk. It was about an hour and a half long talk over fast food while S played. W said she had arranged a talk with a L tomorrow but didn't know what to do now. I'm just going to proceed for now on the paperwork, having it modified to include both same state and separate states visitation schedules. Trying not to think about all her regret talk tonight. I don't want to start my old wishful thinking ways.

2 x 4 if you must...I felt overall good about the night even though I did some definite no no's.