I can understand why you might feel I am unfair when I say “people on this forum are watching through a foggy lens with an agenda.”
But it is true.
Of course you have an agenda. What binds any community together is a shared agenda.
Having an agenda is not a bad thing but you should always be cognizant of where a person stands when they are giving advice. For example, are they optimistic about relationships when they are giving the advice? Are they pessimistic about relationships? Do they feel loving toward their spouse? Do they feel betrayed?
The ability to detach is difficult and many people give advice because they have personal feelings about the issue being discussed.
Again, this is not a bad thing. If everyone was detached there would be no empathy. And when you are going through such an extremely traumatic time in your life you need people with high levels of empathy around you.
Danger creeps in when empathy turns into transference and you begin to parallel your experience with my experience without paying attention to my experience. This usually happens when people are seeking advice during an extremely stressful period. Which is why I ask that you remember people on this forum see through a foggy lens.
