I can be the lighthouse but not the tugboat

[daring]

Georgiabelle- thank you! You are so so right. Lots of assumptions in there.
Unfortunately I have an idea who it might be and if so the " humpy schlumpy" ( I totally love the term!) is more likely as its someone I think might crush on him a little. But it may not be her. And if it is, well, can't do much about it as you said.
Clearly this is more about me and my insecurities and self worth, and childhood history, and so forth.....

So you will be proud to know that I STFU when I saw him. Had to swing by his apt after the play to pick up some things for the kids. I prayed on the drive- ALOT!! And I wasn't sure which direction God was leading me about the issue other than the very large 2X4 that came down with a loud "DON'T" attached to it.

So we went in and H knows me so well so he said- Are you ok? I said no not really but I will be. He sat down on the couch near me, and kept looking at me like he clearly wanted to talk and ask me more- I looked over and innocently said "what?" He shook his head and said " nothing". I think he was afraid to ask and I'm glad b/c that way the duct tape stayed in place

So after I got back to my house I texted him b/c I forgot to give him his mail. Said I would hold it till he's back from traveling midweek. He said thanks- then texted sorry for whatever was stressing you. I texted back saying thanks was just a rough day. Then he sent back- apparently made rougher by seeing me.
I didn't want him to think I didn't want to be around him so I chose my words carefully and texted back- no it was not made worse at all. Just hard.

Hopefully he will think it was the play that got me upset b/c it's the Broadway version of my favorite movie Dirty Dancing, which already makes me cry and now with my sitch the romance is even harder to watch.

And that's that. I did it for now- didn't lose my mind and say something stupid- yay me! Hopefully the next 24hrs won't be a different story.