My post sounded like a harsh 2 x 4, which I did not intend. Really I'm hoping you can learn from MY mistakes.
I wasted a solid year of my life asking a question that has no good answer. Seriously. That is probably my biggest regret.
In these situations, the question "Why?" IS just Not something to ask often. There is no "good" answer, meaning, there is no answer that will help you sleep or feel better.
Chances are you'll get no answer at all, but even if you got one, it would not give you the peace you seek.
I once met a young girl with cancer, at a summer camp. She felt alright that summer.
She shared with me that she "USED to ask God, 'why?' Why ME, God, why am I sick?...then I said 'I just am' and I stopped asking b/c I know I just have to have a fun life while I can..."
Smart girl who then had a great summer, but it was her last summer on earth... So, Why are you here? Why is your h having all these doubts, etc.?
I don't know. We only know that indeed you are here...so now what?
The peace you seek, the inner knowledge that you did your best when you could, only comes from within. (Meaning, once you knew what your role was, you made the changes needed).
So dig deep, own your role, change the behaviors you believe don't serve you well, and be at peace...regardless of what your h chooses.
And then ask yourself the other hard question. Which is, IF your h wants back into the marriage, how are YOU going to get past this ordeal with him?
How will You regain the trust in him enough to recommit & open your heart?
If you can't open your heart fully, in time, things will not go well for either of you. I'm not saying you'd punish him (though you might be surprised at how many choose that path), I'm asking how you'd forgive.
Of course that task is down the road. For now the only thing you need to ask yourself is if you believe you Would try to forgive, b/c if his doubts and present behavior might actually be a deal breaker for you, figure that out sooner rather than later.
True reconciliations do require true forgiveness.
But every long term happy marriage has included some chunks of forgiveness. So keep that in mind as you go forth. Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
