still holding on - 5

[u-turn]

I am having a bad weekend - not feeling detached. I definitely felt better when she was gone last weekend - I'm not sure what to do about this.

It seems like everything is a secret with her. To me that equates to lies (because that what it has meant before). I do not trust her and I cannot ask her to help me with that.

She wants everything to be just peachy at home - house, family, now holiday plans with family, but she does not want to commit to me.

So we will parade in front of everyone and act as if everything is great while knowing that it isn't. So to me this is all fake and I do not feel good about it.

She wants me to keep doing what I have always done with the kids, house, chores, work, while she stays so disconnected and makes her appearance for the kids and then back to her seclusion. She talks about future plans like everything is just fine. I don't want to just be the guy that takes care of everything. I really hate to sound selfish, but what is in it for me? I just want a normal life and a normal relationship with my wife and family - and I can't even tell her that.

I think she wants to keep it minimally together for the kids, but doesn't she realize that this is not a good example to set for the them? Would it be acceptable for our sons or daughter to do this to their family some day. Would she think it is acceptable for me to act this way - for me to live a double life?

I think she would ok to tear everything apart, move out, destroy everything - so she could just blame me.

just venting - thanks for listening.