I have not been posting lately but I have been reading... I am starting to date a little. I have noticed something, whenever a guy is too into me I like it at first BUT it quickly becomes unattractive. Guys sending me flowers (and no I haven't even kissed one of them) makes me cringe and put them in the "gay friend zone".....
So what I guess I am trying to say is for those that are not convinced pursuing is not the best idea please take into consideration my experiences. Oh and I thought I would want nothing more than a man to send me flowers/good morning beautiful texts/sweet dreams sexy texts.........
There is no 100% but 6 months ago I would have told you those things would make me smile but now that I have them they make me gag.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I imagine after all you've been through it's hard not to have a mild disdain for men in general.
Would you say that's true? Do you think you need more time?
No actually I don't have negative thoughts about men or feel "guarded" or anything like that. I just seem to view the pursuit as kind of pathetic after a while.
Like SERIOUSLY dude who are YOU and why do you spend so much time thinking about me. Be yourself and meet your own needs then talk to me about adding to that happiness instead of "me" making "you" happy. Gag!
I think this comes from finally being in a healthy place myself and no longer craving an unhealthy co-dependant relationship. I want to add to my own happiness not feel pressure to make (or break) someone else's happiness.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I imagine after all you've been through it's hard not to have a mild disdain for men in general.
Would you say that's true? Do you think you need more time?
No actually I don't have negative thoughts about men or feel "guarded" or anything like that. I just seem to view the pursuit as kind of pathetic after a while.
Like SERIOUSLY dude who are YOU and why do you spend so much time thinking about me. Be yourself and meet your own needs then talk to me about adding to that happiness instead of "me" making "you" happy. Gag!
I think this comes from finally being in a healthy place myself and no longer craving an unhealthy co-dependant relationship. I want to add to my own happiness not feel pressure to make (or break) someone else's happiness.
Lilly is great! Thank you for asking, nursing right now :-)
The twins are now fully potty trained and we are in full swing with basketball season for the older boys.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Sorry to get back on topic everyone... I wanted to share something I found that my W wrote to a friend one day after DDay that shows how my pursuit of her was perceived. I obviously had not started DB'ing at this point and was pursuing, begging, pleading, being spineless, etc. Hopefully this is helpful for someone out there.
In her words (names redacted):
"i've never been on my own. i went from having a boyfriend to dating UpperCut....and marrying UpperCut. and he's been amazing. but then i crave these other life experiences that ive never had.... and a couple weeks i acted on it.... knowing full well that it would probably end my marriage. but it hasn't so know....at first UpperCut was like, ok if you want to stay married you can't work with OM's employer anymore and you can't see OM ever again. i said no. and he still keeps on wanting to work it out its like no matter what i say or do...its okay and its just making me feel more and more guilty and selfish and withdrawn from UpperCut"
UpperCut Me: 28 W: 25 Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home) S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15) No kids
