Thank you for your response, Jack. It's so nice to have you back active on the board.

Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
If things are stagnant...not changing, you owe it to yourself to change something and see how what happens.

Originally Posted By: FY

If a MLC takes years to work through, isn't there bound to be some stagnation in there? What with the whole "we can't fix 'em" and all?


You asked me this question on Cali's thread and I'd like to respond.

Getting a different response is not fixing them, and my thoughts on changing things only apply if you can no longer handle the status quo/stagnation of the situation.

A different response can be anything from them being a little nicer to them not involving you in their drama...whatever YOU need to make it for as long as you can through their MLC.

This whole MLC trip your involvement, lasts only as long as you are willing to be a part of it.

Did that make any sense?


Yes it does. I never thought the reason for us to change something was to fix our spouse. Your follow up thoughts "changing things only apply if you can no longer handle the status quo/stagnation of the situation" clarifies it for me.

Except for brief moments here and there, I have no problem handling our status quo/stagnation situation. My wife is pleasant to me and there is virtually no drama. I feel she is working through her crisis... ever so slowly. As much as I am happy there is no OP, I sometimes think if there was it would speed things up. I believe the term is wallower.

Of course I could bail at any time, but since I'm fairly content with everything else, it would just be for physical intimacy/sex. Then too we have the 35 (very decent) years together thing going... that's worth a lot to me. So even though at some point it may happen, bailing seems so silly.

So I'm back to patience... and cracking jokes...

Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Better equipment...makes me laugh. All I can think about is a high chrome polish jack rabbit personal massager with 16 different modes.


My wife likes rabbits. Would giving her one of these for Christmas count as "changing something"?

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl