Need help. Jefe's always confused. Pt 6

[Jefe]

"But you keep ignoring the following: Your wife has issues that you are not repairing. For example, the financial situation."

We actually had a decent conversation about this ^^^ just a day or 2 ago. She's thinking I need to hold off on the new full time gig until after the first of the year or when this new job kills her, which ever comes first. She still talks in future tense and in "us" "our" "we" type dialog. So IDK.

She has pulled away but I am having a hard time going too dark because honestly I know my wife well enough to know when she opens a opportunity for communication, I need to take it or she will slam it back shut.

I have been getting very honest about what she wants and needs from me.

A few years ago we got into a huge fight about Roger. And while she conceded everything negative thing about him and his character she threw back at me, "But he NEVER talked to me that way". It goes back to everything you have already identified, Hope. The hurts that go back to the beginning and the fact I have an unhealthy need to be vindicated when I feel wronged.

She wants romance, she wants respect. She wants me to inquire about her day and be interested. She wants me to greet her when I walk in the door first before I say word one to the kids. She wants me to keep making her laugh like I always used to. She wants to go dancing. She wants me to make her feel like a girlie girl, my girlie girl. She wants to know and wants me to remind her how beautiful she is to me and that she is more important that anyone or anything else short of God. She also wants to never argue about Roger/visitation again and she wants me to never raise my voice to her.

At first it seems like a long list but then, it seems like such an easy list. Yet I have failed miserably because: the need to be vindicated when I feel wronged.
I can get past it, but I need some work, and I think I see the majority of the
answers in my steps and my sponsor.

I have also made a promise to myself and God that I will seek His guidance and will in regards to Roger always. I made peace with the visitation, thanks in part to you, Hope and my desire to put my marriage before my feelings. (Maybe I should make this promise with everything else in my life)

Some of this list I believe I can start working on now without pursuing. Other parts are going to have to wait.

Now, I made a dumb mistake last Friday and I have paid dearly for it all week. Communication is starting to ease back in my favor. If I can just detach enough so what she's doing (or what I think shes doing) doesn't affect my mood and dialogue with her I'll be doing much better. I made a couple of pursuing faux pas the last 2 days but nothing tragic or detrimental. My sponsor corrected it pretty quickly.

Do you think if I could scrape up a couple of sessions with a DB coach it would be worth it, or is my time better spent with your suggestion of building a network of people who want your marriage to succeed and equipping them with the DB/DR information, books and tools?

Hope, I trust you.