I feel like I've gone backwards since xh talking to me.
On the one hand, it was extremely validating to hear what I heard. It is comforting to know he is a better person, for the best reason of all...the kids.
On the other hand? This may sound strange..... It was another form of a shoe dropping. It was unexpected. It made me revisit so much I didn't want to remember and have to feel again. Those were very bad years and I thought it was all in the past. To hear him explain his thinking back then....It made me confused because I was so sure he would never....and he did.
So now I don't trust anything I think. I don't trust me.
So right now, I'd rather stay inside and be safe. Away from things I may have to trust myself with.
There is just so much crazy around....I feel like I'm losing it myself some days.
