I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I want to say something to help you move through it, but I've got nothing. I think you're right, you're going to have to live through this. Just don't linger in this place. Look at it hard, and try to find the path out.
If you're going to live like the separation is permanent then at some point you have to make up your mind to inch towards the person you want to be permanently. You can do that over time, though.
What have you been able to do to get space from your h? That has been key for me finding my equilibrium.
Hugs, Ss.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15