You know, Shining, when I was going through this, there were times when it seemed to play out like a game. I didnt like the feel of that. I am so not a game player.
I tried really hard to live my life according to what felt right to me. Sometimes it wasnt perfect dbing. But it was more important for me to be true to me.
You dont have to do anything until you are ready to do it. But, having said that, I will tell you what I believe.
I think he needs to feel the loss of you. Not as a ploy. Not as a way to get him back or as a punishment. But because I think it is what should be the natural consequences of the choices he is making.
As long as he knows you are avaiblable, he has no reason to do any work.
But more importantly, it is necessary for you. Much as you think you understand, it still affects you deeply. As long as it does, you stay kinda stuck.
You have had a lot of stuff to deal with. That's why I think it is really important for you to start to take care of you some.
Because there are some more things coming up that you need to deal with..like your son moving and getting through the holidays and I dont want to see you overwhelmed.
I hear you on the digging. The thing about that is that it is ultimately for you.
I dont blame you for thinking about everything your xh said. That was a whole lot to absorb. It was years of you thinking maybe you could have done better.
Let's work through why that would make you feel small.
I think part of why you dont put yourself out there is that you just dont feel like it but you feel you should. Your tired, S, of all the mental stuff you have had to deal with. It wears you out. It's so much.
So, maybe give yourself a break for right now. It's ok. You need to regroup and gain your strength back.
You have put yourself out there with a new job and on here and meeting up with us.
Do something small, S. Just for you for now. Plenty of time to do other things when you are ready. Maybe you are scared, but, as long as you are moving forward and I think you are - that is what matters.
