I sent my reply before I saw your post, but made similar changes. I wrote:
As for our situation, I fully understand that we did not get here based on the acts and feelings of one person alone. I'm also aware of your hurt and frustration in feeling "blamed" for how you feel. I recognize that pointing fingers will do little to make you feel better or enhance our ability to move forward in a positive way, whatever path we follow. And, I'm not sure if this offers you any comfort, but just wanted you to know that I am aware of and accept my role in all of this.
It's also funny in that I have generally stopped the "if you're unhappy" bit, although since she is always pressuring me to move, I've had to try a number of new approaches. I think the real reason for the "mantra" comments is that it truly resonates within her. She has strenuously endeavored to make me actively participate in the breakup of our marriage and is very frustrated that I have placed ownership of a separation of divorce in her lap. That is why she looked to hold me responsible for how we got to this place. However, while I can easily accept my role in that, but this does not necessarily mean I have to actively advance the Sep or D. And this is something she has to accept on her own.
The good news for now is that W is off to visit some old reinds for the next three days. These friends are likely to be comforting, but since I'm friends with their H's, they know a bit more of what's going and some will tell her flat out that she has an obligation to try and make it work. More than anything else, however, it's added space for a few days.
