I truly grasp that this isn't all about me, it never was.!! And I want all the LBS's to know this!
Takes a while though, doesn't it?
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Why couldn't I be myself? I felt ridiculed and not accepted. By his extreme passive aggressive behaviors, I felt invisible. When frustration built up to anger, then building up to finally voice something, I was dismissed, he down played the situation, criticized me, or got defensive. Then he refused to speak to me for weeks at a time.
To my way of thinking, it seems his actions have been best for you. It freed you, even if that wasn't what you wanted at the time, right?
So I'm wondering, why is it you feel anxiety (or anything for that matter) around him? What's left for you to do for you in order to let go the rest of the way?
Just curious. I know for me it's been a tough road with my ex and her H. It has been like they wanted somebody to punish and abuse. Thinking about it, they seem to want somebody to compare themselves to. But I've learned that only I can allow them to do the things they try to do. I choose how I feel about any of it. I choose how I act. I do.
I know there is nothing I can do for my ex. Her choices, her journey. For a long time I was frustrated at raising my kids without her or worse, with her trying to interfere and harass. I've learned how to deal with that. I've removed the emotional connections and triggers to her. At first, that seemed to really set them off. Just made it take longer.
And it really helped to gain that perspective and really see me for who I am, my part in our relationship, my shortcomings, strengths, etc. I am grateful for that opportunity.
I'm curious what you have to do for you to take that next step and be really free from him? I think you deserve it.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
