Why couldn't I be myself? I felt ridiculed and not accepted. By his extreme passive aggressive behaviors, I felt invisible. When frustration built up to anger, then building up to finally voice something, I was dismissed, he down played the situation, criticized me, or got defensive. Then he refused to speak to me for weeks at a time.
This extreme passive aggressive/ mental and emotional abuse took hold as MLC was starting to fester and most definitely 6 months after he was shot. Sometimes I ask myself how much was MLC or how much was MLC brought on by him losing the job he loved, many family members, and damn near his own life. I mean it's like which came first, the chicken or the egg when I think about it all, but it doesn't matter anymore.
I truly grasp that this isn't all about me, it never was.!! And I want all the LBS's to know this! I didn't believe that for a long time, but as I've grown and learned so much, I see that all our reactions to anything in life have to do with what's going on inside of us at the time. Yes, we may rightfully act out in ways due to being mistreated. It's ok to say ouch! But when a person solely makes it someone elses responsibility for their happiness, because they truly haven't gotten in touch with that part of themselves, that's all on them!
