Newcomer Living in Hell 2

[Maybell]

Hey, bravo...

No, at that time I did not remember any good times. If I did I didn't give him credit for good motives. I can't say I actually saw him at all. I don't think I was able to see him till I made up my mind to. MAYBE I saw one or two glimmers that woke me up to the idea that I needed to see him differently.

The memories weren't gone, they were just eclipsed by the pain I was feeling. And there was a strong sense that if he loved me he couldn't have treated me that way, therefore he mustn't care about me or want to be his best for me. That's what makes the equation of consistent actions plus enough time equals change they can believe in so important.

Thanks for asking me that very timely question, bravo, remembering how I felt and saw things during that time helps me understand why things are the way they are for me now.

[bravo61]

maybell,
if she invites me to do things with the family should i do them? reason i ask is whenever we are all together it provides a contrast for her in the kids behavior, my behavior, and that she can be relaxed around me. she actually has a good time (ie the vacation). this D is gonna happen. you know how you women folk are when you have a long time to make a plan. i have however, begun to detach somewhat and i'm not looking for ways to "save" her. i'm still kind but not falling all over myself to prove myself to her. like today, i'm gonna have the kids tonight, tomorrow night, mon night, and tues night. i want them for sun night but she said she want to see them as she is working the other nights. i just said we can talk about it.
she then said "what about us taking them to see Santa on Sun". i said sure sounds great and asked if she wanted dinner while we were there. she replied that it was a awesome plan.

she also wanted to verify that i would still be able to make the Christmas eve dinner reservation (my schedule changed).

my kids have also been telling me that she needs to be nicer to me and have been telling her that too. my D said that she told W that she needs to kiss me. thanks guys!

i'm definitely not pushing her on anything right now. no texts, calls, or stop bys. no R talks at all. the friend stuff is a definite bug up my as* though. she has a tendency to reflect those that she is close to and these are not quality people.

even S said that W is not the same person she used to be and its like her and i switched brains. ah the wisdom of an 8 year old. he's also getting pissed that she's making a habit of working 4 days a week and then on one of her off nights, getting a babysitter for them so she can go out. he's mentioned several times that he glad that he can always depend on me.

[bravo61]

also she is getting NOTHING out of her counseling! the woman is a quack! she actually told her to go buy something for her. WTF? according to W, the goal of counseling is to "get the stress out of her life". i know buying boots has always worked wonders for me. how bout working on communication, self esteem, learning to forgive, owning your own happiness issues?

[Maybell]

you know how you women folk are when you have a long time to make a plan.

Sigh. Seriously?

Except asking about spending family time with her, those two posts were all about what she's doing and how much better you're doing than her, etc. Get out of her sandbox.

WRT family time, that's up to you, but it sounds like it's working so why would you stop?

[bravo61]

Marvell,
The comment bout the plan was passed on to me from women friends,FWIW. I'm not making a US v them or male v female. I get your point. Thanks.

[labug]

Marvell?

[Maybell]

MAYBELL, autocorrected.

[labug]

I thought he'd renamed you to be a part of a 60s girl group.

I like my story better.

[Maybell]

Maybell, short for Marvelous.

[bravo61]

Maybell. Sorry