4 years after Bomb Date, MLC still baffling me!!!!

[AJM]

As painful as it is, I guess if we come through to the other side of the abandoned spouse syndrome, I would chose the LBS. Why? Because through this insane mess, I've found myself. I got back to my true self and feel like me again. I know who I am. Yes Im still working on things, such as career path, and still trying to figure out what kind of relationship will work for me. But Im aware of it and walk with it one step at a time.

I would choose the LBS as well, hands down.

Any thoughts as to why you couldn't be yourself before? Didn't know? Didn't feel safe? ??

I kinda found that interesting. He can still recall things in the past here like it was yesterday.

For MLCr's time seems to stand still in a lot of ways. I've seen it quite a bit with mine and others. Makes me see the story of Rumpelstiltskin differently Additionally, I see a desire to make me out to be the bad guy and the reason she "had" to leave. But this is years later now and still goes on with her and her new husband (OM). Seems strange to me, but I suspect a time warp of some sort for my ex. Hard to describe the reason for the feeling, but just strange things I've noticed over the years.

After all this time, I feel like I finally "get" the "WHY" of all this...and, it really had nothing to do with me. The boy I connected with, all those years ago, was real. He kinda did a reverse Velveteen Rabbit...he went from being real to being stuffed and empty

Yes. That's a very good way to put it, Heather.

Yes, they remember more than you think and some of it's stuffed down at the moment, but it does bubble up periodically

Yep, buried feelings have a way of haunting later. They just don't stay buried.

The further out you get, the more you can see Job's suggestion is spot on. Stay away and let them deal with their life in their way. It has nothing to do with you and it really is the only way for them to learn. On their own.

Kimmerz, it is nice to see that it's not about you. You've heard it, but to see it and internalize it is very helpful I think. I wish your exH the best. Same for you Heather. I wouldn't want go through what they are going through.

AJ